Something I'm Missing
by Hoodies and Leather
Summary: There's something different about Zell and the most unlikely person wants to get to the bottom of it the most. One shot.


**AN: The idea and inspiration to write this came out of nowhere. This is intended to be a oneshot, but I may write more on this pairing in the future, perhaps a continuation of this fic. Reviews are greatly appreciated!**

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><p>It was taking fucking <em>forever<em> for class to get over with and it usually takes long enough as is. Today was ..not my day, not in the least. My head hurt, my heart was pounding and I felt like I was about to spontaneously combust because I was so damn hot. I wasn't coming down with anything, this started becoming standard practice for the past few weeks. Every now and then I'd just feel so.. _out of it_.

That's the best way to explain it, I guess. I figured if anything, this was caused by stress. I haven't felt very happy lately and I don't know why. It's as if sadness had become my default mood and the things that normally made me happy now had no effect on me. Hell, nothing seemed to make me happy anymore. The most strenuous part of this was maintaining the facade that everything was okay. Last thing I needed was everyone barraging me with their concern and least of all, Selphie's prying interrogations.

I wouldn't even allow myself to so much as slump down during class. The only reason I look like the mess I feel like right now was because I didn't share this class with any of the others. I was essentially invisible here; not even the instructor noticed me if I wasn't loud.

Unfortunately, that wasn't enough to make me stop wanting to be anywhere but here. I just wanted to finish this class, go back to my room and sleep for the rest of the night.

I exhaled a deep, exhausted sigh as I took note that there was fifteen minutes of class left and hung my head. Could time move _any _slower? Luckily there wasn't really enough time left in class for us to start something where we'd actually have to do something. I just rested my head on my desk and absentmindedly scanned the opposite side of the room. That's when I noticed I had an audience.

Icy blue eyes staring back at me ripped me right out of my comfort zone so suddenly I nearly jumped. Was Seifer ..watching me? His blond eyebrows were scrunched in a perplexed manner with what seemed to be a slight implication of concern.

For a second, I put my guard back up, but then I remembered this was Seifer we're talking about. Not only would the desire to tell anyone about this never cross his mind, but Seifer doesn't give a shit about me in the first place.

I returned my face to the cool surface of the desktop and avoided further eye contact with the other blond. I could tell when he was staring ahead and when he shifted his glance towards me. What was he up to? Why was I so fascinating to him all of a sudden? It kinda made me uncomfortable, to be honest.

I was about to slip into a nap when the bell rang. Thank god. I couldn't wait to get the hell out of here.

"Hey.." came a familiar voice behind me. I whirled around to see Seifer standing a few feet away with a slightly awkward look on his face.

"Hey..?" I furrowed my brows. This exchange with Seifer was getting more unusual by the minute. I found the fact that was acknowledging my existence with a stare was bizarre enough, but now he was approaching and talking to me. Hmm..

"Are you.. feeling alright? You didn't look so good during class."

"Yeah! Why wouldn't I be?" I mentally slapped myself for my painfully bad acting. I doubt he bought it.

"I don't know.. Honestly, you looked like you were ready to die, but I guess you're fine." His tone was an odd hybrid of concern and incredulous annoyance. I had no idea how to respond to this, really. It was pseudo-genuine concern, but it was coming from Seifer, so it's anyone's guess as to what's really happening.

"Well, I'm fine. No need to worry or anything." It didn't take long for me to become mentally drained from pretending. Seriously, how do actors do it? I suppose it doesn't help that I'm completely burnt out from having to do it for weeks already.

I turned away and left him alone in the room and not in the smoothest manner, either. Oh well. At this point, my only concern was finding some alone time. I'll deal with the rest later.

I did my best to avoid everyone, so I took an out-of-the-way route back to my room. Fortunately, I made it back with minimal social encounters. I slipped into more comfortable clothes and crawled into bed. I laid there for a while motionless and sleepless with thoughts running through my head. I was in so much pain. It even hurt to realize it. I never felt this horrible before in my life.

Was this normal? Why was this happening?

My vision was becoming blurry and my eyes started to burn. No matter what I did to make this feeling stop, it remained. I just wanted to be happy again.

I wish I had someone here with me. Not just anyone, but someone I could hold onto and tell anything to. Someone I can feel comfortable being on a deeper level with. Maybe that's why even though I'm surrounded by friends, I still feel lonely. Perhaps this is what's been bothering me all along.

I'm sure if I were to tell someone else about this, they'd say something like, "Well then get out there and find someone!" as if it's some easy task. It's not that easy for me to find the right kind of person to fill that slot.

A knock at the door put an abrupt end to my train of thought. I quickly made sure I didn't look like I was just crying before opening the door.

_'What the fuck?' _was the first thought that came to mind when I saw the towering blond man on the other side.

"Seifer? What are you doing here?"

"I came to check on you." He stated bluntly. I simply gave him a weird look, eliciting a sigh from him.

"I told you I was fine..."

"Bullshit." He said, barely giving me a chance to finish. I was about to retaliate when began to continue. "I've noticed you've been acting weird like this for a while already. You don't go from running around, yelling and acting like you're high on something all the time to being the quietest person in class and looking like you want to drop dead with everything being 'fine'."

I wanted to fight him, but he was absolutely right and he knew it. I was far too exhausted to argue with him. I simply bowed my head.

"Look.. I know we don't exactly get along, but.. if you wanna talk, I'll listen."

For some reason, I just felt like sobbing then and there. Maybe it's because I never had someone pick up on feelings I tried so hard to hide from others. Maybe it's because I now had an opportunity to let these emotions out.

I backed away from the door and left it open. I sat on the edge of my bed as Seifer walked in and sat beside me. I don't recall ever being this close to him. I kinda liked it. In all honesty, I wasn't quite used to Seifer behaving like this, but I felt like I could trust him and I really wanted someone who would listen to me.

I hesitated for a few moments, trying to think of a way to start off before finally coming up with something.

"For the longest time, I had no idea what was going on with me." I started, staring down at mine and his feet. "I just started feeling the worst kind of sadness and emptiness without any sort of real reason behind it. I didn't get it at all. Pretty soon all the things that used to make me happy no longer did the job. I didn't want anyone to get involved, so I acted like everything was okay. I guess I was scared of what the problem truly was and I wasn't comfortable with everyone getting involved. They probably wouldn't have understood, anyway.. I just dealt with it and hoped no one would notice."

"I noticed." Seifer pointed out. "Kinda hard not to. It's a pretty drastic change for you."

I responded with a simple, "Yeah.." as I noticed that we had inadvertantly closed to little gap between us. Our arms were touching. I didn't really mind.

"At first I thought it felt like loneliness, but I have a bunch of friends.. how in the hell can it be loneliness that's bothering me? But the way I feel after everyone goes home or when I need someone around who truly gets me is unmistakeable." My voice was cracking and my throat was beginning to tighten. I really didn't want to cry in front of Seifer or even get emotional, but that was probably inevitable when talking so candidly about these feelings.

Seifer picked up on this and instead of the taunting that I would expect from him, he slid his hand up my back and onto my shoulder

"You _do_ feel lonely, but it's not just friends that you need. You're looking for more than that." He spoke softly into my ear.

Was this really happening? Seifer was being friendly to me. Actually, this was past the line of being friendly now. He was being _affectionate_. Was he on some sort of medication? I don't know. I should've stopped him and asked him what was going on. I should be acting like I don't want this. But that's the thing, it'd be _acting_. I didn't want this to stop. It felt nice to be so close to Seifer and feel his arm around my back. He was being so wonderful to me right now, so I went with it.

"I wish it were easy for me to solve that problem, but it's not.." I started. It was becoming very difficult to remain composed. "I hate having to keep all this shit bottled up inside. Everyone expects me to be happy and loud all the time.. no one would take me seriously if they knew what was going on." A few tears rolled down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away.

"I know the feeling, Zell, trust me." He pulled me closer and I rested my head on his shoulder. "Like I said, you can talk to me about this all you need to, okay? Don't hold it all in, that's not good. You're going to drive yourself crazy."

"Thanks, Seifer. That means a lot." This felt nice. For the first time since this started happening, I didn't feel like I was drowning. The last person I expected to pull me out of the quicksand was the guy I was currently embracing. I normally get a certain feeling when Seifer is being deceitful, but that feeling didn't present itself this time.

Still, that didn't put a stop to my curiosity and I bit my lip hoping I wouldn't regret this. "But.. I have to know.. why are you doing this for me? ..I thought you hated my guts."

Seifer sighed deeply at my question. "Yeah.. I don't blame you for thinking that. I don't hate you. Never did. The truth is, I've been missing someone in my life, too. It made me miserable. Actually, you and I are pretty much in the same situation and I've recently become aware of it. I know how you feel and I wanted to help."

I was speechless. "I had no idea, Seifer. I'm sorry.. I wouldn't wish a feeling like this on anyone."

"Yeah, me either." He agreed, gently rubbing his hand up and down my arm. We stayed like that for a couple minutes before Siefer broke the silence.

"Well, I guess I should get going." He sighed reluctantly. "You probably want some time time to yourself."

I stood up with him, "Wait!" He turned to look down at me. "I don't want to be by myself. I'm sick of being alone."

"Please stay.." I pleaded as I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head against his chest and under his chin. "You're one of the only people I can really talk to."

Seifer soon returned the embrace with a deep sigh of contentment. "You know, I feel the same about you."


End file.
